It’s early in the morning. The local supermarket is mostly empty. I’m standing in line behind a late middle-aged guy, waiting to check out.
As it turns out, the checkout Cashier has the same very unusual name as the Customer’s son. The Customer gets out his phone to show the Cashier a picture of his son with another guy in his late 40’s – early 50’s:
Customer: That’s my boy, do you know who the other guy is?
Cashier: No. (I’m peering over there, but it’s a little too far to see.)
Customer: That’s Wayne Gretzky. My son played pickup hockey with him in Coeur d’Alene. My son’s a goal keeper.
Cashier: That’s cool. Alright, have a good one!
(Customer leaves.)
Me: I used to play with a guy who would always brag about playing pickup basketball with Michael Cooper.
Cashier: Who’s Michael Cooper?
Me: Cooper played shooting guard for the Showtime-80’s-era-Lakers with Magic and Kareem? No? He was a long lanky black guy who would shoot 3’s and guard the other team’s best perimeter player.
Cashier: Never heard of him. Did you know that Drew Brees is from Eastern Washington?
Me: I didn’t know that. You may be thinking of Drew Bledsoe. I know he’s from over there.
Cashier: It’s Brees. He’s in Walla Walla. He has a winery and everything.
Me: …. Huh…. Have a good one!
Cashier: You too. Have a good day!
——
This exchange took place not even twenty minutes ago.
We are just days away from the trading deadline and the question for teams on the fringe of contention is “to sell or not to sell?” Basically, do we trade our fringy marginal veterans to a team in contention for something more than a bag of warm peanuts.
The Mariners are one of those teams; they currently sit 11 games back of the A’s for the division lead and 8.5 games back of Baltimore for the wild card. While teams have come back from further out, the odds are highly unlikely (ESPN has the M’s playoff chances as 1.1%). Considering a heavily negative run differential – only two teams have a worse differential in the AL: Houston and Chicago, I think it is time to sell. What do the Mariners have to sell though? Really not a ton. You don’t want to move any of your young guys, so Ackley, Ramirez, Franklin, Miller, Zunino, Smoak, Seager and Saunders are off the table. Felix is pretty much untradeable because of his contract. So who does that leave? Here are the most likely candidates:
Kendrys Morales – he is a free agent at the end of the season, so he is a likely candidate. He is having a good, not great season and plays marginal defense, which probably means he heads to an AL team as a DH. I would guess he is going to end up in Tampa, Cleveland or New York and they will probably be able to get major league ready talent for him.
Raul Ibanez – he seems to have found the fountain of youth, but he is 41 and I doubt that he can sustain his home run prowess for too much longer. He is a terrible defender and teams constantly take advantage of his weak arm. His defense is so bad, that he has virtually negated his offensive WAR value – baseball-reference.com has him at 2.2 oWAR and -1.5 dWAR. He is a nice story but not a long-term benefit to the team. This is the classic case of buy low-sell high. His likely destination is the same list as Morales.
Brendan Ryan – he can’t hit but he does have great value as a late-inning defensive replacement, so the M’s could probably flip him for a grade-C prospect at this point.
Endy Chavez – He can neither hit nor field and is at best a 4th OFer, but he keeps sticking around the majors for no good reason. The M’s can probably get a warm body for him.
Joe Saunders/Aaron Harang – they are both the kind of pitchers that tend to get traded at the deadline; back of the rotation guys who teams are willing to overpay for because they want a veteran back of the rotation guy down the stretch run.
The Entire Bullpen – yep, I would move any of these guys because, frankly, relievers are a fungible commodity, but your most likely candidates are Oliver Perez (love those lefties) and Tom Wilhelmsen.
Buster Onley seems to disagree:
The chief officers of those franchises must assess what surrendering in July would signal to the fan bases, because once the Royals trade Ervin Santana, or the Mariners trade Raul Ibanez and Kendrys Morales, that means they’re telling their fans that they’re willing to give up any chance of a comeback, and they’ll see the evidence in the attendance.
—
Teams that sell off in July are telling their customer base: We don’t have any chance.
That’s a hard thing to sell for the Royals, who haven’t been in a postseason since 1985, or the Mariners, who have been almost irrelevant for the past decade and seem to be building something in the past month. Keep that in mind over the next six days, as you scratch your head about some decisions that confuse you.
Well, I am not sure that you would actually see it in the Mariners attendance if they traded any of their veterans. Let’s face it, people are not coming out to the park to see Raul Ibanez or Kendrys Morales and you are not going to get an attendance boost because Saunders or Harang are on the mound (but you probably would get a boost from their potential replacements on the mound – Taijuan Walker or Danny Hultzen). I don’t necessarily trust the Mariners attendance figures, since they go by tickets sold and not butts in the seats (and there are a good number of season ticket holders that don’t show up for the game) but they haven’t exactly been going gangbusters with their attendance, drawing just a shade under 22,000 per game and they have yet to sell out a game this season (although I do believe they have officially sold out the game on August 10th). Heck, they never topped 26,000 in any game against the Red Sox in July, and the majority of fans in attendance that series were in Red Sox gear. Here is a nice scatter chart of their attendance this season:
It has been a while since we have had a graph on the blog.
In case you care, here is what the attendance looks like based on the day of the week:
Day of the Week
Avg Attendance
Sunday
25,613
Monday
19,640
Tuesday
14,853
Wednesday
17,475
Thursday
19,160
Friday
24,538
Saturday
30,814
What will cause the attendance to decline isn’t the team signaling it has given up, it is the same thing that it is every year – the team just isn’t that good and will fall completely out of contention, meaning that 5,000 people will show up for the weeknight games in September.
The M’s lost last night to end the winning streak, though they’re still 8-2 over the last ten games. They’re threatening to be relevant again!
But really, I’m posting to write about stenographer movies again.
It occured to me that most of the movies fell into one of a few groups:
New hires. What A Bunch Of Idiots:
Mr. Jack Hires a Stenographer (1916) (Short)
The New Stenographer (1911) (Short)
The Substitute Stenographer (1913) (Short)
Stenographer Wanted (1912) (Short)
His New Stenographer (1928) (Short)
The New Stenographer (1914) (Short)
Stenographers Wanted (1912) (Short)
The New Stenographer (1908) (Short)
Wacky Stenographers/ Problems With The Stenographer:
Stenographer Troubles (1913) (Short)
Oh! You Stenographer (1911) (Short)
Politically Incorrect Stenographer Movie Title:
The Colored Stenographer (1909) (Short)
I’m Guessing It’s A Brazen Advertisement Packaged As A Short Film; The Title Is Too Long As Well:
The Stenographer’s Friend; Or, What Was Accomplished by an Edison Business Phonograph (1910) (Short)
There Must Be Babes Involved:
Mutt and Jeff and the Lady Stenographer (1911) (Short)
Dad’s Stenographer (1913) (Short)
Who Knows?
The Stenographer (1914) (Short)
The Ranch Stenographer (1913) (Short)
The Good Stenographer (1916) (Short)
The Stenographer’s Strategy (1916) (Short)
Poor stenographers! Only two or three titles that suggest any level of compentency! Stenographers need to band together to protest these films that promote negative stereotypes!!
Last night I was lying in bed thinking — what’s the most unlikely movie title?
Answer: The Stenographer.
Nobody would want to watch that. That is, unless the heroine had huge bazingas.
You know what else is unlikely? The Mariners are 2nd in the majors in home runs. Raul Ibanez is approaching the single-season record for home runs by a player over 40. (He’s hit 24. Ted Williams holds the record with 29.)
The Mariners have won seven in a row and now sit five games under .500 at 47-52.
Will it continue? Probably not. It’s fun though, right?
———
The complete IMDB list of movies with “Stenographer” in the title:
Public Stenographer (1934)
The Stenographer’s Friend; Or, What Was Accomplished by an Edison Business Phonograph (1910) (Short)
The Stenographer (1914) (Short)
Mr. Jack Hires a Stenographer (1916) (Short)
The New Stenographer (1911) (Short)
The Substitute Stenographer (1913) (Short)
Stenographer Wanted (1912) (Short)
Mutt and Jeff and the Lady Stenographer (1911) (Short)
Stenographer Troubles (1913) (Short)
Oh! You Stenographer (1911) (Short)
His New Stenographer (1928) (Short)
The New Stenographer (1914) (Short)
Stenographers Wanted (1912) (Short)
The Colored Stenographer (1909) (Short)
The New Stenographer (1908) (Short)
Dad’s Stenographer (1913) (Short)
The Ranch Stenographer (1913) (Short)
The Good Stenographer (1916) (Short)
The Stenographer’s Strategy (1916) (Short)
Notice that they’re all “Shorts”, except for the 1934 blockbuster “Public Stenograher”.
IMDB synopsis: “A stenographer who works at a large hotel finds herself caught in the middle of a major swindle.”
Fan synopsis: “The wisecracking and attractive public stenographer Ann McNair spends most of her time continuing to fend off the greedy hands of her employer. On her way to get a new job Ann has a car breakdown on a desolate stretched road. Ann is eventually aided by the handsome James “Jimmy” Martin Jr., who initially courteous acts like all other men in her life. Eventually Jim is in love with Ann. So it seems that Ann at long last drops her hard-boiled veneer, towards Jimmy in particular. Written by Robert”
Last night I was lying in bed thinking — what’s the most unlikely movie title?
Answer: The Stenographer.
Nobody would want to watch that. That is, unless the heroine had huge bazingas.
You know what else is unlikely? The Mariners are 2nd in the majors in home runs. Raul Ibanez is approaching the single-season record for home runs by a player over 40. (He’s hit 24. Ted Williams holds the record with 29.)
The Mariners have won seven in a row and now sit five games under .500 at 47-52.
Will it continue? Probably not. It’s fun though, right?
———
The complete IMDB list of movies with “Stenographer” in the title:
Public Stenographer (1934)
The Stenographer’s Friend; Or, What Was Accomplished by an Edison Business Phonograph (1910) (Short)
The Stenographer (1914) (Short)
Mr. Jack Hires a Stenographer (1916) (Short)
The New Stenographer (1911) (Short)
The Substitute Stenographer (1913) (Short)
Stenographer Wanted (1912) (Short)
Mutt and Jeff and the Lady Stenographer (1911) (Short)
Stenographer Troubles (1913) (Short)
Oh! You Stenographer (1911) (Short)
His New Stenographer (1928) (Short)
The New Stenographer (1914) (Short)
Stenographers Wanted (1912) (Short)
The Colored Stenographer (1909) (Short)
The New Stenographer (1908) (Short)
Dad’s Stenographer (1913) (Short)
The Ranch Stenographer (1913) (Short)
The Good Stenographer (1916) (Short)
The Stenographer’s Strategy (1916) (Short)
Notice that they’re all “Shorts”, except for the 1934 blockbuster “Public Stenograher”.
IMDB synopsis: “A stenographer who works at a large hotel finds herself caught in the middle of a major swindle.”
Fan synopsis: “The wisecracking and attractive public stenographer Ann McNair spends most of her time continuing to fend off the greedy hands of her employer. On her way to get a new job Ann has a car breakdown on a desolate stretched road. Ann is eventually aided by the handsome James “Jimmy” Martin Jr., who initially courteous acts like all other men in her life. Eventually Jim is in love with Ann. So it seems that Ann at long last drops her hard-boiled veneer, towards Jimmy in particular. Written by Robert”
The zucchini are bouncing back nicely. The cucumbers, peppers, and patty-pans are finally getting into gear. The tomatoes are going nuts. Yesterday provided this:
Left to right: Stupice tomato, Glacier tomato, two Sun Golds, and a Cocozelle zucchini.
Which made for the first taste comparison among the tomatoes. A “caprese” with goat cheese and balsamic:
Tomatoes from left to right: Store bought, Stupice, Glacier.
The store bought tomatoes lost. They lacked the acid and character of the home grown.
There are issues with the zucchini, and I think there is more than just one thing wrong with them. The symptoms:
1. The patty-pan leaves are more yellow overall than it had been. (It was never as dark as the cucumbers or the cocozelle.)
2. The cocozelle has fruits that are rotting from the blossom end. I cut off four bad fruit yesterday.
3. Sometime in the last week white mold appeared on the cocozelle.
Which is kind of strange, because the cocozelle has produced seven pounds of fruit in the last few days. I thought it was ramping up for the summer.
Before.
My totally stab-in-the-dark diagnosis is that the fruits are experiencing blossom end rot caused by a calcium deficiency. (Which I’m pretty sure is correct after looking around the interwebs.) I’m also of the suspicion that the plants need fertilizer. I dosed the feed tube with a 14-14-14 granular fertilizer and calcium nitrate last night. In retrospect, that’s a double dose of nitrogen, which will be either good, bad, or indifferent, but, why not? I also pruned the heck out of the two plants, removing all of the really yellow leaves, as well as the most beat-up older leaves and the leaves with a lot of mold. The intent is to let more air and sunlight in, and to try to make it so that all leaves are getting more optimal use. Finally, I sprayed the plants with an organic mold inhibitor. The aftermath:
Zucchini from the back:
I didn’t mess around with the pruning. I’d like to think the plants will be healthier. We’ll see.
It is a gutsy move in the Northwest to put out a beer style that you don’t normally see and it is even gutsier to put that style out in a cask, but that is exactly what the guys from Reuben’s did with their Auld Heritage Ale. Auld or Old ale is defined as follows (from Wikipedia):
Old ale is a term commonly applied to dark, malty beers in England, generally above 5% abv, also to dark ales of any strength in Australia. Sometimes associated with stock ale or, archaically, keeping ale, in which the beer is held at the brewery.
Reuben’s version clocked in at 8.7% alcohol and 58 IBU; not exactly a small beer.
Auld Heritage is mahogany brown in color. There is lots of malt and caramel on the nose with hints of toffee. The beer builds slowly as you drink it, starting off with little fanfare before showing lots of toffee then transitioning into burnt sugar and caramel before finishing off with a slightly alcoholic and sweet with notes of toffee, caramel and dried fruit. The finish is long – several minutes after taking a sip, you still get light notes of toffee, caramel and dried fruit, and it is not a bad thing. The beer is like enjoying a nice toffee or hard candy and the caramel notes made me thing of eating a confection and wanted a sprinkle of sea salt (salted caramel is one of my favorite flavor). For a moderately IBU beer, any of the hop character is lots in the deep flavors, but I don’t think this is necessarily a bad thing.
If you are an advanced drinker or just someone who wants to try a new style of beer, you should head down to Reuben’s to have an Auld Heritage when it is on their tap list, and doubly so if they have it on cask. Because of its alcohol and deep flavors, it is a heavy beer and not one that everyone is going to enjoy, but it is different than most Northwest beers and you should at least give it a taste.
Reuben’s Brews Auld Heritage crosses the pond and collects 4 family heirlooms out of 5.