And In News That Surprises No One

By Blaidd Drwg

Lance Armstrong is manning up and admitting that he used steroids, Oprah Winfrey confirmed. This is just the first step in Armstrong getting his lifetime ban from cycling reduced and he is finally being honest about what everyone knew when the rumors started – he cheated to win the Tour de France 7 times. So they both can become relevant again, it appears that we get 2 – 90 minute shows listening to Lance say how sorry he was. Who really cares?

In other “No Shit, Really?” news, the earth will be conducting an interview on “The Daily Show” confirming that, yes, it will continue to orbit the sun and reveal the details of its scandalous relationship with the moon.